All of us have gone through situations that have shattered our trust in someone or something. Re-building that trust is not an easy road. For the one who broke the trust, it may come as a shock, but chances are you will not just be able to pick up where you left things. The one you betrayed, whether it's a friend, family member, spouse, or co-worker, is not likely to just be able to forget what happened. Not talking about the issue and pretending it did not happen will not resolve the anger and hurt that the other person is feeling. For the one who was hurt, time can help ease the pain, but it doesn't necessarily erase the memory.
Speaking from personal experiences, a few of my experiences have not only affected my outlook on life, but how I view and receive people. As a child, our church had some difficulties. I was only two, but to this day, I can still remember standing in the driveway one night, watching someone close to our family drive away, and asking "Where is so and so going?" I'm sure that "so and so" never imagined the impact that would make on my life. Not long after that, our family moved and began looking for a new church to attend. For my parents who were hurting far more because of details I couldn't begin to comprehend, finding the right place of worship was very important. The church we settled into and called home was definitely God sent for us. The people there loved our family unconditionally and slowly our trust was re-built in church ministry and members. There are times I still find myself holding back though, more out of self-protection. I remember the hurt as a child and don't want to give anyone that open chance to hurt me again. (I will say the situation our church faced had absolutely NOTHING to do with sexual abuse against anyone.) Funny thing is, this experience never once made me doubt in GOD and HIS awesomeness.
As a preteen, I had an experience with classmates that has left a lasting impact on how much I trust an individual and let him/her to become a close friend. I was in the eighth grade and pretty much friends with everyone in my class. I was a good student, made mostly A's but a few B's. Although I didn't participate in many extra-curricular activities, I enjoyed a lot of the usual things for a young person. One day I heard word about a few rumors floating around about me. They were so absurd and far fetched, it would have been funny if I hadn't felt so hurt. Tracing the source of the rumors didn't take long and when confronted about why they were spreading nasty lies, the classmates excuse was "Now you know how it feels to be talked about". There is never an excuse for spreading lies (of any kind) about a person, but to do so just so that person gets an up close and personal experience?!?!?! REALLY???? I have to say I was absolutely FLOORED at their reasoning. These were young people that I had considered my friends. Suddenly, I started looking at all my friendships with an intensity that just about drove me crazy. I have to say, after that, letting anyone inside to get the know the "real me" was something that didn't happen very much. While I still "made friends" easily, many were not the soul mate friend that one often develops in teenage years.
As an adult, there have been times that I've put trust in someone and had that trust broken. I've discovered that being able to forgive someone for breaking that trust is more therapeutic than you can imagine. Forgiveness doesn't mean auto forget. Sometimes it flashes through my mind and I wonder, "Was there something I could have done differently?" or "Will I ever NOT think about this?" Everyday during my devotion time, I ask God to continue to heal my hurts. When a person has a scar, no amount of wishing will erase that scar & scar tissue. Although the scars I have are not visible, they are real just the same. Broken trust is not just limited to a certain class of people, or a certain race of people. Everyone has the same ability to be hurt, to be broken, but everyone also has the ability to forgive and move on to better things. Each time we are hurt, we have to chose to forgive. Not forgiving someone who has hurt me will not hurt that person; instead, it will eat at my soul causing bitterness to take root and if left alone, that bitterness will destroy me...not the one who caused the hurt, but ME.
I am in NO WAY saying that re-building trust is easy.It takes both parties putting 100% into getting past that experience of hurt. Don't have the expectation that it will an overnight miracle. There may be days when you want to just scream because it still hurts so much. If you are the one who hurt someone, there may be days when you want to scream because you are tired of feeling like you are on probation so to speak. Each person involved has to realize the other person/people will heal at a different speed. While one may seem to be over it all in a matter of a few days, another may takes weeks, months or even years. As you are healing, if you are the one who betrayed the trust, one way to help the healing process is to avoid the behaviors or verbal actions that started the whole mess. For the one who was betrayed, if you TRULY want to re-build that relationship, then you HAVE to be willing to look forward and not at the past. Leave the past there and everyone involved should definitely not bring the betrayal up in any disagreements. You can't heal if you are always picking open the scab. This doesn't mean you should bury your head if you feel that the other (s) are not really sincere. Sometimes you have to go by gut instinct, but allow yourself to have hope that your relationship can be re-built and come out even stronger.
Just saying.....
Friday, November 11, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Modesty in today's world
I don't know about you, but as I'm walking through stores I am literally AMAZED at the items men, women, teens and even small children are wearing. They call them "clothes"; however, some of the items I am pretty sure don't come anywhere NEAR the clothes category. What is even more outrageous to me is the inappropriate clothing the young ladies of today are wearing.
We want our girls to be treated special, and by special I am not referring to a special needs individual. We tell our daughters how beautiful they are and to be individuals, then turn around and allow/encourage them to wear clothes that are not age appropriate and wear make-up at an age that seems to be getting younger and younger. I personally do not wear make-up. My reasons for that choice are religiously based, but that is a topic for another blog. I see young girls, not even at the pre-teen age wearing make-up and I wonder what makes someone so young feel that she needs make-up to feel or believe that she is pretty. I see little girls no longer wearing high heels just when playing dress-up in mommy's fancy clothes, but for various special occasions. I see young pre-teens and teenager girls wearing clothes that ooze sex appeal and make them look years older than their true age. I see these girls flirting and teasing young men with a seductive attitude that has been learned from watching too many movies with themes that encourage sexual promiscuity.
When are we as parents going to look into our children's eyes and say, "It doesn't matter what "everyone" else is doing, I'm not allowing that because you are not old enough for that." ? When are we going to step up to the plate and show our daughters how much we care by NOT letting them wear that dress or skirt or pair of shorts or jeans that is so short she can't sit down without showing the world what she has underneath her clothes or so tight the seams might split if she moves the wrong way? When are we going to say "NO WAY" to the low cut and see through shirts that leave absolutely nothing hidden from view? When are we going to teach our girls that their bodies are not something to be shared with everyone you pass on the street? It's not a matter of being ashamed of our body, but rather having enough desire to share ourselves only with that special person with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives? (Of course, this leads to a whole new discussion of marriage & commitment, but that too shall be another blog. )
I've often said, "Just because I have all the right stuff doesn't mean I need to share it for the world to see. There are somethings that people need to see and a whole lot more they don't." Modesty is becoming more and more rare these days, and I wonder how much of that is because we live in a world that promotes the attitude of do what you want, when you want and if you want regardless of who might be hurt and regardless of the outcome/consequences might be. Have we ever stopped to realize that the way we dress often leads others to form an opinion about us? Whether or not that opinion is a truth about us doesn't matter. For example, if you see a woman walking the street in an extremely revealing outfit, (short skirt, tank top or low cut shirt) lots of make-up, extreme high heels or boots, what is your first perception of this woman? It probably isn't "oh look there's a lady who looks lost", but instead it's probably more like, "oh another hooker". What her situation is never comes into the factoring we automatically do when we see her. The same idea applies when people see us or our daughters. When we allow our girls to wear clothes that are too tight, too low cut, too revealing, too whatever, we encourage young men to form opinions about what she might be willing to do or "put out". Many sexual assaults start with an opinion formed from what a woman is wearing and behaving. This in NO WAY makes that assault okay, but the perception is often what starts just by what is seen.
I do not have a girl, but I do have a young son. I hope that my husband and I can teach him the importance of respecting a girl/woman and valuing her beauty even if she is not wearing make-up and is covered from head to toe. I hope we can instill in him the value of desiring to find that special someone who respects herself and him enough not to share herself with everyone, not just intimately, but by her outward dress as well.
Just saying....
We want our girls to be treated special, and by special I am not referring to a special needs individual. We tell our daughters how beautiful they are and to be individuals, then turn around and allow/encourage them to wear clothes that are not age appropriate and wear make-up at an age that seems to be getting younger and younger. I personally do not wear make-up. My reasons for that choice are religiously based, but that is a topic for another blog. I see young girls, not even at the pre-teen age wearing make-up and I wonder what makes someone so young feel that she needs make-up to feel or believe that she is pretty. I see little girls no longer wearing high heels just when playing dress-up in mommy's fancy clothes, but for various special occasions. I see young pre-teens and teenager girls wearing clothes that ooze sex appeal and make them look years older than their true age. I see these girls flirting and teasing young men with a seductive attitude that has been learned from watching too many movies with themes that encourage sexual promiscuity.
When are we as parents going to look into our children's eyes and say, "It doesn't matter what "everyone" else is doing, I'm not allowing that because you are not old enough for that." ? When are we going to step up to the plate and show our daughters how much we care by NOT letting them wear that dress or skirt or pair of shorts or jeans that is so short she can't sit down without showing the world what she has underneath her clothes or so tight the seams might split if she moves the wrong way? When are we going to say "NO WAY" to the low cut and see through shirts that leave absolutely nothing hidden from view? When are we going to teach our girls that their bodies are not something to be shared with everyone you pass on the street? It's not a matter of being ashamed of our body, but rather having enough desire to share ourselves only with that special person with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives? (Of course, this leads to a whole new discussion of marriage & commitment, but that too shall be another blog. )
I've often said, "Just because I have all the right stuff doesn't mean I need to share it for the world to see. There are somethings that people need to see and a whole lot more they don't." Modesty is becoming more and more rare these days, and I wonder how much of that is because we live in a world that promotes the attitude of do what you want, when you want and if you want regardless of who might be hurt and regardless of the outcome/consequences might be. Have we ever stopped to realize that the way we dress often leads others to form an opinion about us? Whether or not that opinion is a truth about us doesn't matter. For example, if you see a woman walking the street in an extremely revealing outfit, (short skirt, tank top or low cut shirt) lots of make-up, extreme high heels or boots, what is your first perception of this woman? It probably isn't "oh look there's a lady who looks lost", but instead it's probably more like, "oh another hooker". What her situation is never comes into the factoring we automatically do when we see her. The same idea applies when people see us or our daughters. When we allow our girls to wear clothes that are too tight, too low cut, too revealing, too whatever, we encourage young men to form opinions about what she might be willing to do or "put out". Many sexual assaults start with an opinion formed from what a woman is wearing and behaving. This in NO WAY makes that assault okay, but the perception is often what starts just by what is seen.
I do not have a girl, but I do have a young son. I hope that my husband and I can teach him the importance of respecting a girl/woman and valuing her beauty even if she is not wearing make-up and is covered from head to toe. I hope we can instill in him the value of desiring to find that special someone who respects herself and him enough not to share herself with everyone, not just intimately, but by her outward dress as well.
Just saying....
Sunday, October 30, 2011
The Beginning
I want to start this blog by saying first and foremost that I am a CHRISTIAN AMERICAN. The idea of a blog is new to me, but I have so many ideas, thoughts, opinions and beliefs, I just have to put them down to be read (even if only by my own eyes). The blog posts that are soon coming will be be based on personal experiences and beliefs, some of which are religiously based. This being said, I will also state that I am a firm believer that there IS A GOD and the HOLY BIBLE is HIS written word. Any religious beliefs I have, will be supported by the Bible. I will not bash other religions or denominations different from my own. I feel that if a person is a true believer in Christ and that the Bible is God's word, then you will not be offended by what I write. If you do not believe, I encourage you to see for yourself what I share, but if you are not interested in why I believe the way I do, please just skip any posts that are specifically about religion.
I am a full time wife and mother, along with working a 40+ hr job every week. Why in the world I think I really have time for a blog is way beyond me, but it's something that's in my heart to do. I have to admit, I'm a little bit nervous, but my common sense (the one telling me I don't have time) is being completely ignored by the words needing to be written. I hope my posts will encourage you, make you think from a different perspective, challenge what opinions you have formed and possibly even win you over to my view sometimes. :)
This is the beginning of a new chapter for me and I'm very excited. I'm not looking to become famous by any means, just want to have a good time and reach people. I will expect courtesy in ALL comments made by any viewers. This means keep your language clean. I can take criticism, but WILL NOT TOLERATE ignorance or rudeness.
I am a full time wife and mother, along with working a 40+ hr job every week. Why in the world I think I really have time for a blog is way beyond me, but it's something that's in my heart to do. I have to admit, I'm a little bit nervous, but my common sense (the one telling me I don't have time) is being completely ignored by the words needing to be written. I hope my posts will encourage you, make you think from a different perspective, challenge what opinions you have formed and possibly even win you over to my view sometimes. :)
This is the beginning of a new chapter for me and I'm very excited. I'm not looking to become famous by any means, just want to have a good time and reach people. I will expect courtesy in ALL comments made by any viewers. This means keep your language clean. I can take criticism, but WILL NOT TOLERATE ignorance or rudeness.
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