All of us have gone through situations that have shattered our trust in someone or something. Re-building that trust is not an easy road. For the one who broke the trust, it may come as a shock, but chances are you will not just be able to pick up where you left things. The one you betrayed, whether it's a friend, family member, spouse, or co-worker, is not likely to just be able to forget what happened. Not talking about the issue and pretending it did not happen will not resolve the anger and hurt that the other person is feeling. For the one who was hurt, time can help ease the pain, but it doesn't necessarily erase the memory.
Speaking from personal experiences, a few of my experiences have not only affected my outlook on life, but how I view and receive people. As a child, our church had some difficulties. I was only two, but to this day, I can still remember standing in the driveway one night, watching someone close to our family drive away, and asking "Where is so and so going?" I'm sure that "so and so" never imagined the impact that would make on my life. Not long after that, our family moved and began looking for a new church to attend. For my parents who were hurting far more because of details I couldn't begin to comprehend, finding the right place of worship was very important. The church we settled into and called home was definitely God sent for us. The people there loved our family unconditionally and slowly our trust was re-built in church ministry and members. There are times I still find myself holding back though, more out of self-protection. I remember the hurt as a child and don't want to give anyone that open chance to hurt me again. (I will say the situation our church faced had absolutely NOTHING to do with sexual abuse against anyone.) Funny thing is, this experience never once made me doubt in GOD and HIS awesomeness.
As a preteen, I had an experience with classmates that has left a lasting impact on how much I trust an individual and let him/her to become a close friend. I was in the eighth grade and pretty much friends with everyone in my class. I was a good student, made mostly A's but a few B's. Although I didn't participate in many extra-curricular activities, I enjoyed a lot of the usual things for a young person. One day I heard word about a few rumors floating around about me. They were so absurd and far fetched, it would have been funny if I hadn't felt so hurt. Tracing the source of the rumors didn't take long and when confronted about why they were spreading nasty lies, the classmates excuse was "Now you know how it feels to be talked about". There is never an excuse for spreading lies (of any kind) about a person, but to do so just so that person gets an up close and personal experience?!?!?! REALLY???? I have to say I was absolutely FLOORED at their reasoning. These were young people that I had considered my friends. Suddenly, I started looking at all my friendships with an intensity that just about drove me crazy. I have to say, after that, letting anyone inside to get the know the "real me" was something that didn't happen very much. While I still "made friends" easily, many were not the soul mate friend that one often develops in teenage years.
As an adult, there have been times that I've put trust in someone and had that trust broken. I've discovered that being able to forgive someone for breaking that trust is more therapeutic than you can imagine. Forgiveness doesn't mean auto forget. Sometimes it flashes through my mind and I wonder, "Was there something I could have done differently?" or "Will I ever NOT think about this?" Everyday during my devotion time, I ask God to continue to heal my hurts. When a person has a scar, no amount of wishing will erase that scar & scar tissue. Although the scars I have are not visible, they are real just the same. Broken trust is not just limited to a certain class of people, or a certain race of people. Everyone has the same ability to be hurt, to be broken, but everyone also has the ability to forgive and move on to better things. Each time we are hurt, we have to chose to forgive. Not forgiving someone who has hurt me will not hurt that person; instead, it will eat at my soul causing bitterness to take root and if left alone, that bitterness will destroy me...not the one who caused the hurt, but ME.
I am in NO WAY saying that re-building trust is easy.It takes both parties putting 100% into getting past that experience of hurt. Don't have the expectation that it will an overnight miracle. There may be days when you want to just scream because it still hurts so much. If you are the one who hurt someone, there may be days when you want to scream because you are tired of feeling like you are on probation so to speak. Each person involved has to realize the other person/people will heal at a different speed. While one may seem to be over it all in a matter of a few days, another may takes weeks, months or even years. As you are healing, if you are the one who betrayed the trust, one way to help the healing process is to avoid the behaviors or verbal actions that started the whole mess. For the one who was betrayed, if you TRULY want to re-build that relationship, then you HAVE to be willing to look forward and not at the past. Leave the past there and everyone involved should definitely not bring the betrayal up in any disagreements. You can't heal if you are always picking open the scab. This doesn't mean you should bury your head if you feel that the other (s) are not really sincere. Sometimes you have to go by gut instinct, but allow yourself to have hope that your relationship can be re-built and come out even stronger.
Just saying.....
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